There are a couple of really dynamic “F” words.
The most obvious one, the one spelled “#&@%”, is just an expression. A giant, irritated sigh, with no real power. That is not the one I am talking about.
The real scary one is “FEAR”
Thank Heaven there is an antidote to Fear….. “COURAGE”
It is a simple explanation really but also one of those things that kinda stops you cold and take a second look for the first time.( I heard this the other day from a wise sage but I do not know her name to quote her. Let’s just call her Sage. )
We all do things every day that do not include that element of fear. Those are just things that we do. They do not require any courage.
And there are times that we run up against that big, high, thick wall of fear and back…. Slowly…away. Or not so slowly… possibly run like heck! Nothing courageous about that. But when you see that wall and you really want to run but you get over it by sheer force of will: that is courage. Be it pushing through the pain or charging through danger. That is bravery.
Myself—I run the gamut of all those things. My biggest regrets are rooted in times that I ran in fear. The times that I esteemed myself involved getting past that wall. Sometimes it looms up right in front of me and though I have every intention of challenging The Fear…. I walk away. Sometimes I drag myself up and over. It is a frequent companion. Unwanted, but always kinda hanging around anyhow.
I can see, in hindsight, that a small investment of discomfort would have yielded a wealth of experience and success. I try to remind myself of this when I waiver. Ugh—highsight is a bitch, right?
My trip last year to New York City was a time that I jumped the wall and took on the Fear Monster: Fear of screwing up the plan reservations. Fear of missing work and screwing up my job. Fear of getting lost or mugged or any number of horrible touristy nightmares. There was a load of fear all along the way. And sure, I brought my sister with me… but we accomplished countless acts of courage: We made all our flights. We took the subway many times. We ate at a fancy restaurant and ordered weird food without making fools of ourselves. We jumped out in traffic and hailed a taxi. We walked through Times Square to Broadway and saw a play. When I get up in the morning and make myself go to work, lately there is a lot of fear of how the day will go and though sometimes I have to throw up on the way there, I go anyhow. I little courage boost there. Here is a deep dark secret. Brace yourselves. Sometimes when I write and I post here I am a little scared. Will anyone read it? Will they think I am stupid? Will I become an internet sensation for being ignorant or offensive or just stupid? What will happen to me if I go out on a limb tonight and hit “PUBLISH”?
Maybe nothing. Maybe something….. one thing for sure…. If I take the chance and live to tell the tale….