Posted on May 21, 2016
Some Whine (Not Wine Dammit)
Gotta share what is on my mind tonight. I have been going through some stuff. You know what I mean… that crappy life stuff that just drags you down. Nothing feels like what you want it to. Work is… well, it is not fun anymore. Home is….. messy and just… meh. Everything is Meh.
Thinking it all over and trying so hard to figure out HOW TO FIX THIS CRAP is making me nuttier than usual and I am not coming up with a whole lot of answers. But I am trying to get a grip.
Writing is one of the things I am trying to figure out. I wish there was a way to spin my writing blogs or stories or whatever into something altruistic. Or noble or something other than what I suspect is just a whole lot of attention whoring on my part. I mean unless you are writing about something that is actually going to help someone live healthier or happier– what other reason is there? I want you to want me. I need you to read me. I want to have feed back or compliments or even irritated responses. And when that doesn’t happen it makes me want to pick up my toys and go home. I know there are a few of you who read. At least maybe 15 people I am pretty sure follow what I do and I have decided to try really really hard to be content with entertaining you.
This may sound anti-climatic to you but that is only because you do not realize the fantasy I have to give up to admit that this is it. This is as far as this thing is going to go. I am not going to have scads of people who follow me. I am not going to be nominated for any blog awards. I am not going to go viral. I am not going to make an impact. I am not going to be able to make money with my blog.
Giving up– if I can do it– means letting go of a lot of things that pressure me. Every writing course or advice book says you need to write constantly and consistently. Well, I just can’t find enough to write about since my Resting Face changed from Resting Optimistic Face to Resting Bitch Face. I cannot find the funny like I used to. I can’t see the interesting like I used to. My cats are still the same cats but why don’t I find them funny anymore?? And I let this stress me out to the point that none of it was fun anymore. I have spent a lot of money on this blog trying to make it interesting and marketable and I need to stop that. It is never going to start paying off.
I need to stop obsessively looking up “Blog Tips” “How To Get More Twitter Followers” “How To Get More Readers” “What are The Best Days and Times To Publish Posts” “How To Make Money With Your Blog” on Pinterest and just stick with 10000 ways to cook with Cauliflower. Because that, at least, has SOME FREAKING VALUE!
I wish I could say I wasn’t fishing for compliments here but that would be big stinking load of crap. I am feeling sorry for myself. I am trying to cut the cord on a dream and it really sucks, but trying to force something that just isn’t happening sucks too.
So this is a BIG SHOUT OUT to those of you— my peeps, my crew, my homies– who I know read me and I am going to cater to YOU from now on. It won’t be consistent so you will never know when there might be something from Geeez but hopefully it will be worth reading when it pops up.