Haiku Tuesday: Scanner Ninja

I look down the aisle
Gauging all of the options
My eyes fall on it
 
“Pick me” it cries out
“I will be fast and so fun
Self service check out
 
I scan all my stuff
I bag things the way I like
I pay with my card
 
I am rewarded
With some coupons and receipt
I finish with shout!!
 

“I am a ninja!

I am Queen of Self Checkout

Behold my greatness!!!!!”

 
 

2015 Resolution Wrap Up

Now that 2015 is just a memory, it is the time for all good men and women to review their resolutions and goals made at the dawn of 2015 and see how we did.

  •  Make my new apartment feel like a home I can live in forever.
    • Moved again 5 months later.  That was 2 complete moves in 10 months.
  • Feel satisfied with Furgang size of only 1 cat (Figaro)
    • 5 months and 3 days later brought home Mid Life Crisis Puppy:  HMA California Girl aka Callie aka The Aussie Menace.
    • 5 months and 6 days later brought Layla home after begging family who had taken her in when we moved into apartment to please let us have her back
    • August fulfilled Lauren’s lifelong dream to have a black cat:  Loki.  While choosing Loki fell in love with Ginger kitten across the shelter:  Thor
    • After losing Loki to kidney disease in October return to shelter (I stay outside) where Lauren finds Salem.  Within days, the lovely Luna becomes Facebook sensation for harrowing tale of car engine rescue.  I must have her.
      • Current furgang count:  1 Canine  5 Felines
  • Write more
    • Meh… not so much but now enjoying new hobby:  Photo Editing.  Especially proud of one with balloons.  Click to make bigger.
  • Get more exercise
    • Making monthly donation to YMCA
  • Lose Weight
    • Lost some.  Found it.  Lost again.  Found again (Repeat)
  • Get Healthy
    • Not dead

Mixed results:  How did you guys do????

 

#IAmMyOwnBully

IAMMYOWNBULLY

For 2016 I would like to be kinder to myself

Tuesday Haiku: Ode To My Christmas Tree 2015

You gave it your all

Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree

And now you are dead

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Technically I know

You died when they cut you down

And then Pine Zombie

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You brightened my home

A jungle gym for my cats

They really loved you

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I really hated

The pine needles on the floor

Such a horrid mess

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You had to get out

Before you just exploded

And burned my house down

M.E.O.W. vs Severina

Some time has passed and the kittens have been busy with their training

“Director Naynos” said Salem  “We are now proficient with our menacing cuteness rays and feel we can now take our place among the full fledged agents”

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Agent Lycanna interrupts… as usual  “I am a pretty pretty puppy:  Look I have a rhinestone and fluffy feathers in my furs!!”

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But I am still a skilled agent of M.E.O.W. and I can take down the most wily grandma by chewing on her hair!

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Kittens, I can see you are indeed ready and not a moment too soon as the M.E.O.W. mansion has been invaded by an the Evil Elf Severina.

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I am NOT Evil…. just MIS-UNDERSTOOD

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The kittens chase Severina up the cat tree where they try to subdue her with their cuteness rays

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But she escapes to the sideboard where she is shielded for a moment

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The kittens hold her there for several months   hours   6.5 minutes before she skitters up to the very tippy top of the Pine Tree that magically grew in the mansion and gloats there.

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But the kittens follow and eventually the battle is won

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Yes, Kittens I am very proud of you.  You have earned your full membership as Agents of Meow

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agent luna

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Congratulations Salem and Luna…. but don’t get too comfortable

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I said DON’T get too comfortable!!!!!!   You never know when you will be called upon again by the

Agents Of Meow Banner

 

Twas The Night Before……..

I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

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I have run the race to the finish. 

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Just one more night

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One last scenario

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One more day I have to make sure I am up in time to get the job done

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One more day I see this sign on the door— which is so much better than getting part way to work and having to run back home to do the deed

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Tomorrow night  “Toe” the Elf goes back to the North Pole until next year…..

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Can I get an “AMEN”????

 

Frenemy

Sometimes, if I turn very quickly and peek out of the corner of my eye: I catch a glimpse.  Not a clear look.  Right behind me.  But always there.

I am always aware of It.  Sometimes It seems to leave for awhile but other times it is so close that I can feel It’s rancid, sweaty breath on the back of my neck.  It likes to keep me on edge.  It likes hovering on the edges of my psyche.  It is my constant companion.  At night It sleeps under my bed:  close enough to invade my thoughts in the dark of the night.  It greets me every morning when I look in the mirror to brush my teeth.

If I concentrate very hard and stay very focused I can keep It away, for a time.  But  It is still there waiting for me to let down my guard.  Fighting for control.  Always fighting for control.  When I hold the reins, it is good.  I feel acceptable.  When It takes them back- and it always takes them back– I feel much less than acceptable.  Worthless.  Empty.  Broken.  Ugly.  Invisible and glaringly obvious all at the same time.  I am angry.  Disgusted. Ashamed.  My inability to gain and keep control only seems to give permission for all the pain that comes along.  Deserved.  Earned.  Consequential.  Rightful.

We have history as far back as I can remember.  Maybe even before that.  Before I realized It was my mortal enemy It masqueraded as my loyal companion.  My best friend.  Always there in good times and bad.  In celebration and mourning.  Always accepting unconditionally.

Yet It has always stood between me and what I would wish for myself:  Love.  Love that is not born of blood or by bond but by passion.  Once a veil.  Then a wall.  Now a bastion that has crushed all hope of ever breaking through.

Make no mistake:  I own It.  It is Mine.  I don’t place blame on biology or circumstance.  Though I may win a battle here and there I know that my Obesity will win the war.

Do Not Touch The Elf!!

Wednesday December 9, 2015

An interview conducted with eyewitnesses to the event that transpired earlier in the morning.  No one is sure when.  Or how.  We only know one thing for sure…

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This Elf is not the sweet thing she once was……

and life will never be the same

 

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The witness contends that the Elf was in her place in the morning when he got up and that sometime between 8:24 am and 10:37 am the elf was not where she had been…

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Figs & Thor client

The Cat immediately sought legal counsel.    The witness continued to blab and try to blame his fuzzy memory on a party he had attended the night before.

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Thor pixelated speech

The Cat, fed up with always being blamed for everything, took the witness stand in his own defense contending that he had nothing to do with it.   The other witness became too horrified to continue to testify.

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Christmas Card Fiasco

Time for Family Christmas Pictures! 

We tried to get these done awhile back but my Ugly Christmas Sweater didn’t fit. Strike 1   So I ordered one that adds an extra 100 lbs.  BUT IT FIT!

So we went out and first used my very nice digital camera on a tripod…. and the memory card apparently has lost it’s memory which we did not discover until we were packed up and in the car.  Strike 2 So we tried again using my tablet.  Unfortunately my photographer’s finger was covering part of the lens. 

That was strike 3.   And an exhausted toddler just wasn’t going to try for #4 so we just made do with what we had.

All in all it still gets the job done: 

 Merry Christmas and all the Seasons Greetings (to those who celebrate in other ways!)

Thanksgiving Turkey Pinata

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving!  Our family celebrated by renting a cabin in the mountains where we ate, played poker (I WON I WON I WON), ate, watched scary movies (Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer sceeves me out), ate and ate some more.  We were lucky to get a couple inches of snow so that was super fun.  Everyone worked hard to make it a special time especially my son who sat in the snow with the turkey as it smoked and my sister who created one of her Amazing Pinatas!   Since it turned out there was no where in our cabin to do the Pinata Breaking, we went to a nearby park.  A small crowd actually gathered and we let their little kids get candy too.  Bet that made for a good story at their gatherings  (So we went to the park so the kids to play and there was a family whacking at a giant turkey pinata…..)   Here are the highlights… don’t forget to go to the end because we had a surprise visit from the police!