I AM A Writer!!!

Why blog?  I mean, seriously, why even do this?  What is it about what I have bouncing around in my brain that compels me to blurt it out to the universe?  What makes me think anyone cares or that my opinions or observations are worth noting by other people.  Why would anyone want to click on my blog and see what is on my mind or what my cat is doing or how my house renovations are coming along.

I think this is something that creative type people ask themselves (if they are even self aware enough to care) and it really is inexplicable**.  Well that is kinda silly— it is somewhat explicable;  why else even try?

I have this constant inner monologue going on in my head.  I assume it is only in my head since no one else seems to hear it.  If it were audible it would sound like that movie trailer guy “In A World Where You Can Hear What Is Going On In Geeez’s Head….”  I don’t really know if this is how it is for everyone because when I try to ask I get this weird look from people.  When I go about my life I often hear myself translating the things I see and do into something like a screenplay.

Fade in to LeAnn’s Bedroom— the room is dark except for the  glow peeking our around the vertical blinds anticipating another sunrise….

She hears a strange sound that interrupts the kiss she was about to share with Harry, the long haired, blind surfer dude…  and she looks to her best friend Reese Witherspoon to see if she hears it too… when her dream is interrupted by the klaxon that is her wake up call…

She slaps at her cell phone attempting to silence the beast into submission…. or at least stun the damn thing into a few more minutes of silence as she tries to find her way back to Harry and his long flowing locks of hair that he brushes from his sightless eyes.

But he is gone.  A lumpy pillow a pathetic substitution.  She rolls over and snatches the mask off her face that is that it attached to the machine that makes her breathe properly while she sleeps and knows it is just as well;  Harry might be turned off by that Cpap machine any how…..  It just isn’t sexy.

 

Everything I see if sized up for visual value:  Is it interesting?  Is it beautiful?  Should I try to take a picture?  Will someone be offended and beat me up?   Can I snap a pic while I am driving?  Do the orange plastic block things that make me laugh and see something else— will they have mass appeal?  How many pictures can I take and post of my grandchild before people get bored?    Is there a story there?  Can I conjure a story there?  

My friend tells me about a writer who has written a book about writing    You Are A Writer (So Start Acting Like One)  by Jeff Goins.   So I read it.  And it speaks to me (not in an audible way— that is ridiculous).   And I acknowledge:  I Am A Writer.   Regardless of who reads what I write or how well it is reviewed:  I Am A Writer.  I do it for myself.  I do it because I have to.  It needs to come out.  My brain needs to send it out there so all that thought doesn’t back up and bounce around. 

But I also need an audience.  I need people to play to.  To bounce off of.  I want to feel like I am adding something to the lives of people who share these things that I blurt out.  I want to feel connected.  I want to find my people— my audience– my ‘tribe’ and I want to hear what they have learned and I want them to hear what I have learned.  I want to share with people how I have learned that feeling like you are ‘normal’ is a short bus to insanity because there just isn’t enough evidence to nail down what ‘normal’ is.  There are too many variables.  I want to share with people what my struggle has been with my parents over the years as they aged and their health failed and they died holding my hand.  I want to share the complications of relationships that finds me trying to understand how I could love them and yet be so detached from them all at the same time.  I want to share with people that you are never going to feel resolved about caring for aged parents and that the public face we put on is often hiding the private struggles of that stage of life.  I want to share that not every grandparent meets the news of their impending grandparenthood with excitement and joy.  Not every grandparent gets to spoil their little ones and send them home.  But not everyone gets to know that child in an intimate way that only living and parenting them can give you.  I want to tell people that they are not alone in their experience— whatever that may be.  I don’t want to feel alone in mine either.

I want to write a book.  Books.  Quirky tell all books about my weird family.  Science Fiction books about Time Travel. Non-fiction thoughts about how to honor your parents.  I want to paint pictures with words.  And make people laugh.  I want to incite discussion.  And inspire them to…. to… everything.

Some of you wondered why I jumped from my original blog  GeeezLoueez@blogspot.com  to this new blog.  I have tried to explain why I did but maybe not sufficiently.  Partly I did this because it is logistically easier to write here.  But to leave it at that would be disingenious**  I need to build a platform, an audience, a following.  If I am to publish I need to practice my craft and learn to discipline my time and process.  I need to be able to learn how to pitch ideas to publishers and magazines.  I need to show proof of viability.  So I need you guys.  

In the words of those classic wordsmiths themselves, Cheap Trick  “I Want You To Want Me”

 And To Help With Your Vocabulary:

adj. beyond comprehension, explanation
 
disingenuous [dis-in-jen-yoo-uh s]
adj. lacking in frankness, candor, or sincerity; falsely or hypocritically ingenuous; insincere:

The Room Formerly Known as ‘The Den’

I started to tell you above my decision to renovate my parents’ house and move into that from my fabulously underwhelming townhouse. And the project is now in full swing!   

Here are my general plans for the house.  This house was built in 1958 and this is the house I grew up in from 6 years old until I   escaped  got the heck out of my parent’s house   got married and moved out at 19 years old.  This has been the family homestead since 1968.  Yeah Yeah do the math— we all know I am an old fart.

Anyhow….. there hasn’t been a whole heck of a lot of modernizing the place.  This fact, added to the general creepy feeling that my dad was going to come wandering in at any moment because it felt like “Their House”, made me decide that if I were going to live there it needed some serious renovations.  Luckily for me the house itself is in great shape so the renovations are all aesthetic.  (Just fer show).   Everything is getting a fresh paint job.  All the flooring will be replaced.  There will be a dishwasher installed in the kitchen (that is this machine that does the dishes FOR YOU) and new granite countertops (UGLY FORMICA BE GONE WITH YE!!)  There will be a new pedestal sink in the bathroom and a new mirrored medicine cabinet.  There will be new light fixtures etc etc etc…

The first thing up was working on The Room Formerly Known As The Den.  This is the garage and my father had converted it into a room when we were kids.  At first the floor had royal blue and gold indoor/outdoor floor squares as a nod to the school I was attending, Parkview Jr High  GO LANCERS!  And it had a pool table and a bitchin stereo system and this is where all the Cool Kids   The Neighborhood Hoodlums  Our Dorky Friends  hung out.    It was also the site of the Infamous LeAnn Graduation party (the highlight of which was the man who would become my husband, father of my children and eventually ex-husband streaking down the middle of the street).  For you youngins  ‘streak’ means he ran buck nekkid down the street.  Without any clothes on.  And stone cold sober.  I know, right?

Anyhow…… the den.   The new incarnation of The Party Den will be Toddler Central aka Parker’s room.

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Den Before 2

The Before Pictures: Dark creepy paneling and waaaay past it’s prime yellow carpet

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In Progress: RIP dark creepy paneling. Hello Drywall!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Eventually this room will have new carpet and the longest wall with have a mural.  It will have a playroom vibe and Parker’s Big Boy Bed!  

Stay Tuned for more GLHITV (GeeezLoueez Home Improvement TV)

What Is Up With The House??

When last we left our intrepid Geeez she was happily settled into her new apartment… Or so it may have seemed….  (insert scary music here)

For those of you who may not been along for the ride that was the last year let me summarize.  Last year at this time I had two living semi-healthy parents and I owned a house with my sister where she and I, our daughters and my grandson lived in part time harmony.  The house was cold in winter and a furnace in the summer.   This is relevant.

Fast forward just a tad to June of 2014:  the condensed version is that my parents were both hospitalized for poor health and just a few days after their 54th wedding anniversary (during which time they were 2 floors apart in said hospital) my mother passed away.  The next day my sister and I decided we couldn’t live in that house anymore and proceeded to put it on the market.  Next came 5 grueling months of caring for our rapidly declining father followed by his death in December.  

When it came time for us to decide how to settle their estate we were all adament that none of us wanted to live in their house.  It was THEIR house.  It was old.  It was old fashioned.  It felt like they were still there.  It was creepy.  Nope– we were all happy where we were living.  But I wasn’t.  I tried.  I really did.  I love the apt complex.  I love being able to make a call and have someone come fix my {fill in the blank}.  I love the AC and the heat that works.  I do not love the RV sized kitchen (so small that two people cannot pass by each other.  So small that you have to push up against the oven to open the dishwasher.  Not Joking) I do not love the stairs.  I do not love having toddler toy hell in the only living space.  In short— my apt was making me very depressed.   It was hard to come home after work.  It was in the midst of this depression that I was carefully going through my parents’ house;  sorting paperwork.  Splitting up valuables and sentimental items.  Putting aside things to sell etc…..  Meeting with our new realtors.  At this point I still didn’t have any desire to live there— until my daughter saw The Post in the patio.

I should have known it existed.  Maybe I forgot.  Maybe it was my mother’s special project between herself and her grandchildren.  But there it was: a post in the patio where my mother had documented the growth of all her grandchildren year by year.  Child by child.  Brandon (my firstborn) and the very top because he reached his full height first and because he is the tallest (so far).  Each written in pencil (PENCIL!!!) and dated in my mother’s flowery handwriting.  Lauren pointed it out to me and it stopped me cold in my tracks.  My heart hurt.  And the weight of what was happening settled on me as I realized that we were closing the door on a legacy of this family’s history.  And in that moment as that weight of sadness bore down on me, a tiny glimmer of an idea began to take hold.  

I prefer the word “Decisive” to “impulsive”.  I don’t think most people who know me would use the use “impulsive” to describe me.  I do tend to run things through my computer brain very quickly on occasion and decide on things.  This was one of those times.  On a friday at noon I checked one more time with my family and by 4:00 the house was off the market, I was setting up a contractor, I had started getting financing together and I was pining “Renovations” on my Pinterest account.

So this will be a fun ride for us to take together.  My financing is pretty much in place.  My contractor should be starting this week.  I have paint picked out and dozens of Pins on my Pinterest.  I picked out countertops and flooring and fixtures.  Sure, I have 5 months left on my lease, but….. heck, aren’t leases meant to be broken?

And the picture?  That is our Family Post wrapped in green bubble wrap to be protected until I can lacquer the recent past…. And start a side for the next generation.

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First Post On The New Site!!

Hey everyone!

I am so excited to be creating my first post on my new blog!!

“Why a new blog?” you might ask.  Well, thanks for asking!!  The biggest reason I decided to create a new blog is that my previous blogging platform was difficult to use.  Also it was, dare I say this, less professional than WordPress.  (coughpretentiouscough).

Unfortunately for all of us…. there is going to be a bit of a learning curve on this new blog.  I have been working on it for two weeks and I have just now gotten to a point where I feel as if I can post something.  There is a lot to all of this blogging stuff ya know?  There are still some buttons on my page that don’t go anywhere and I am having trouble figuring out how to fix that.  So please bear with me— this is a work in progress!

Meanwhile, back at the ranch….. there has been a LOT going on!!

Here are some hints:  Moving again!  New house!  Puppy!  Settling A Trust– or NOT settling a trust and why I hate Chase Bank!  Vacation!!  Potting Training!  And Much Much More!

So stay tuned!!!

And please check out my New Twitter @GeeezLoueezBlog and my new Facebook page which you can reach by clicking the icon on this blog.   The best thing about the facebook page is that now there is an easy way for you to communicate with me and with each other– which I know was a big issue with my previous blog!

Loves to all!

LeAnn