My Ninja Monkey

The last weekend of August Lauren went camping with some friends.  I offered to babysit Parker for the whole weekend.  Since he lives with me full time and I share a  lot of the toddler duties this didn’t seem like a big deal.

I was wrong   Apparently he has been saving up some new tricks for NahNah.

Friday night wasn’t too bad.  It did include the nightly “I don’t want to go to bed” ritual which always includes sobbing, crying and begging NahNah for HELP!

Saturday we were going to go get his hair cut but this got pre-empted by my complete inability to find even one shoe.  I asked him several times where he had hidden his shoes but I couldn’t find any.

Later on in the morning I am pretty sure he drugged my coffee because I fell asleep sitting up.  I swear I just sat down for a minute and I don’t even remember being asleep but when I listened I didn’t hear any toddler chatter aka Minion language.  This is always a bad sign unless he is asleep.  So I went to investigate only to discover that this rotten little Ninja Monkey had taken the hamper out of my bedroom (right under my nose) into his moms room, climbed on it and broken a bunch of her prized shot glass collection.  There was glass shards everywhere.   He got smacked upside the head   whipped with a leather belt   water boarded   given a time out   spanked.  That’s right, I spanked his legs because the butt had a diaper on it.

About half an hour later I heard the toilet flush which is also very scary.  I am hoping there was nothing in it at the time.  Coming out of that room I jambed my finger and thumb really good on the doorframe.  I may have said bad words.

Soon after that I heard the toilet flush in the other bathroom so I went to investigate and found Parker playing with one of our new kittens in the bathtub.  No water— just toys.  I asked him where the other kitten was and he gave me a weird look and ran over to the newly flushed toilet and started looking around.  This prompted me to yell one of those phrases you are surprised has ever actually been necessary  “Parker did you flush the kitten down the toilet?”  Then I ran off looking for the kitten.  Thankfully, he was safe and sound.

Ever since Lauren has gotten him going to bed at 9:00 we had to give up on naps.  Otherwise he is up forever.  So I didn’t have any intention of letting him take a nap on Saturday but it came down to a nap for the two of us (where he was duct taped to me so I knew he wasn’t into trouble) or the distinct possibility that one– or both– of us would not make it through the weekend.

I was so thankful to have Lauren come home Sunday afternoon!!


Have you had any toddler Ninja Monkey experiences??


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2 Comments on “My Ninja Monkey

  1. An admirable attempt at distracting us from the fact that you haven’t posted pictures of the new car or disclosed her name. We will not forget!

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