Posted on March 5, 2016
For the last several years I have struggled with my Faith. I blame my parents (of course), because in my family it was all about the math.
The FAITH MATH
Try to follow me here:
Where Being A ‘Good Christian’ = GC H = Heathen on Way To Hell Good Life = GL Bad Life = BL
If you were a Good Christian (ie: Doing Good Christian Things) You had a Good Life GC = GL
If you were not a Christian (Heathen) You had Bad Things Happen To You H = BL
Conversly- and logically– If something bad happened to you, then you were not a ‘Good Christian’ (ie: you have hidden sin)
BECAUSE ‘GC’ CAN NEVER EQUAL ‘BL’
And if you had a Good Life and you were not a Christian….well….umm… whatever!
The Faith Math doesn’t lie; there must be another explanation. Perhaps the NC (non-Christian) doesn’t really have a good life, it just looks that way. If all else fails you have to default to Eternal Security (maybe you said the Sinner’s Prayer in Sunday School when you were 4)
This logic, which I was taught from birth, worked out pretty well for me for the first 34 years of my life.
Until my marriage ended.
That was the first time I really questioned God and my faith was really tested. I knew that GC just cannot equal BL so there had to be a reason that I deserved to have Something Bad happen. And I felt as if God owed me an explanation. I reasoned with God that if He would just explain to me why He let this Bad Thing Happen (which then must surely be in His Will because I can do the God’s Will Math too) then I could continue to trust in my own faith. Of course I know God doesn’t owe me anything and I never got that explanation.
I told myself lots of things to explain why the math didn’t work: There is the “Ex-Hub Has His Own Free Will & You Are Just Collateral Damage” Theorem. There is “Everything That Happens In This Life Is Just Preparation For The Next Life So There Is No Math” Postulation. Mostly there was the “You Did Something Bad And God Did The Math” Conjecture and many other sleepless nights trying to make sense of this breakdown of this Logic Puzzle that never, ever ends.
Do you do the ‘Faith Math’? I would really love to finally get the Right Answer!