Updated on June 24, 2016
Cocoa Puff Musings….
Being fired “Let Go” feels a lot like being dumped by your spouse. It does for me anyhow. It starts out with a man looking at you and explaining that while there isn’t anything really WRONG with you, there isn’t anything really RIGHT about you either. And he is going to go a different direction. This is confusing to say the least. Coincidently the break up of my marriage and the break up of my employment both happened on the Friday before Memorial Day. I am always a little sensitive on this day anyhow and I have a feeling this isn’t going to help any.
And every morning so far I have dreamed about my job in various ways: I am still working there but someone else is in my office. A few days ago I had a dream where I was still going into the office and working all day- every day- but on my own stuff. And finally someone came over and said “You don’t work here anymore you need to stop coming in here”. Ala Office Space Red Stapler guy.
I keep waking up at 5:00am because my brain hasn’t gotten the message that we can sleep in now. As soon as my eyes open the brain starts buzzing about what I need to do and so I get up and get dressed etc and walk the dog wearing my new shoes and then start my job hunt for the day.
Job hunting in the year 2016 is not like it was the last time I was looking for work, which was actually BEFORE THE INTERNET WAS INVENTED in 1980. Now most of the kind of jobs I look for are applied for online via various employment search engines like Monster or Careerbuilder or Indeed (my favorite). And even the ones on Craigslist don’t tell you what company is seeking an employee- they just want your resume sent. It is a LOT of pressure for this short, but concise, document. I had a longer, less concise document but Monster’s Free Resume Critique service said “OH MY GOSH YOUR RESUME IS WAAAAY TOO LONG NO ONE IS GOING TO READ ALL THAT!”
There are a lot of similarities to online dating, which I admit I tried many moons ago before I decided I really didn’t need to invite strangers to reject me on an ongoing basis. First you put together your profile (resume) which paints a glowing picture of how amazing you are. It stops just short of a perfection. This is necessary because everyone is doing this and so your prospective love interest (employer) has to have room to allow for hyperbole and adjust accordingly. Here is a handy visual representation aka an Infographic.
So every morning I get up and make the virtual rounds of all the places that might have a new job posting. And I send out my resumes. And I send out a nice cover letter that lets them know that I really really want to work for them and here are some little tidbits that show that I have looked into their company (if I know who it is) and at least have a small clue of what they do there (stalking). For example I applied at a company that does training for Upset Recovery and discovered that this means that they teach pilots what to do if the poop hits the fan. Who Knew? You learn something new every day, as my Mother used to say.
Every fiber of my being wants to shout “ME!! ME!! PICK ME!! LOVE ME!!! I will do anything you want. Hey, I will keep a candy jar filled on my desk for you!! I will do your laundry. Walk your dog. Paint a mural on your kids’ bedroom wall” Wait, that last one was something I pathetically actually did for a the last guy I dated. In 1999. Yeah.
And then for whatever reason the prospective love interest (employer) makes a decision to pursue you or not. For me, in the case of the online dating, it was almost always not. So far, in the case of the online job hunting, it has also almost always been not. This is very frustrating. I didn’t post a picture (which I imagine is usually what killed the online dating) so I don’t know why they are not interested. Of course I have an Excel Spreadsheet of the particulars so that I know when about 5 days has passed to send out a little virtual note reminding them that I am still here! Hello prospective employer? Remember me? Experienced? Trustworthy? Cool person to have in the office? Candy? Mural? And there is, of course, a column in my Job Search Spreadsheet to report to the EDD just in case they ever decide to send me an unemployment check. Dear EDD: Here is a list of all the companies who rejected me this week. May I have more porridge, please?
I have found a wonderful new place to work on my job hunt. This is necessary because, while I have a great home office, I also have this:
So I have been heading over to my sister’s house which feels like an amazing oasis of calm and productivity because it is toddler free so it is quiet and clean. She also has a very nice coffee service area set up (I swear this is really how her counter looks every day)
And amazing snacks
(I ate all her Cocoa Puffs….. shhhhhhh)