LeAnn & Monica Plan Their Funerals!!

While we were on vacation we had the weirdest thing happen.

On Sunday night my sisters phone rings and wakes us up from a dead sleep.  It is 8:30 pm at home, but 11:30 there on the east coast and we were zonked.

She doesn’t recognize the phone number, but it is from our home are code, so she decides to answer.

It is the funeral home we have used for our parents last year.

You know you have had a rough year when you have a personal relationship with the funeral home.

Anyhow she is calling to let us know that there is a “Buy one get one half off” plot sale going on and would we like to make an appointment to set up our funeral arrangements.

When we woke up the next morning I asked her if that had really happened or if it were a dream.  So weird.

That, my friends, was a new on one me.     BOGO Funeral Style.

But since you brought it up…. let’s talk funeral planning  and first, a vocabulary lesson.

The other day at the mortuary I learned the following terminology that I was mis-using:

Interment— is burial.

InterNment—- is when you are imprisoned

InURNment– is when your ashes are put in an urn.

And Monica and I planned our inurnments.  We sat down with our friendly mortuary counselor person and she told us all about our options for cremation since this is something we had never looked into.  We had decided this was a good option for us and there were 2 main reasons for this choice:

1)   It is waaaaay cheaper especially if you do it ahead of time

2)  There is simply no realistic chance that you will rise from the grave in the event of a zombie apocalypse.  Okay I admit #2 is mostly my deal.  Monica still can’t seem to understand that when it happens she needs to be sure to destroy her brain so she doesn’t become a zombie.  I KNOW!  Am I right?  Little sisters!

So, here is our plot. 


It is the one in the middle, so you can come visit some day if you want.  And bring flowers and chocolate.   And cookies.   It is under a nice tree and there are flowers planted all up and down all year long.  Lourdes, our personal death planner, says the couple behind us are really nice people.    We made sure that we have cylinders not square ash holders because we are cool people, not squares!  HAHAHA  And we made sure our ashes won’t be mixed together because I really don’t want to spend eternity with her breathing on me and getting on MY SIDE!  We chose a plot because we didn’t want our ashes ending up in someone’s garage next to their nuts and bolts collection.  I bet you thought I would want my ashes scattered on the ocean since I love the beach so much but how could you think I would want all those fish touching me?  I would NEVER REST IN PEACE!!

All kidding aside— why put all kidding aside?  It wasn’t a scary or morbid or upsetting day.  We had a chance to laugh and be silly while we were doing a Very Grown Up Thing.  Since we got this handled before we needed to get plopped down in there it wasn’t emotional or sad.  And it is a great feeling to know that whomever we leave behind (I am talking to you, Callie) won’t have to figure all this out!

So, to summarize:  InURNment, Cookies, Zombies


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2 Comments on “LeAnn & Monica Plan Their Funerals!!

  1. Seriously? Inurnment is a word? Once inurned you want to be planted in the ground, huh? My dad bought a policy from Neptune but didn’t buy the part where you get scattered at sea. So it was an expensive way to get cremated and force your family to illegally scatter cremanes… not that I did that at sunrise on a beautiful beach in Marin.

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